Archive | May, 2013

Worth it

20 May

My thoughts on leaving for the Mt. Everest Basecamp in two weeks time:

1. Was I on something when I sent in the official papers to subject myself to this cruel and unusual punishment of trekking for 20 days after living in India for 3 months?

2. What if I fall behind and can’t keep up with everyone else?

3. I could meet a monk there…

4. Will anyone my own age be on this trek with me?

5. Will I react with a good sense of humor or like a disgruntled old man when placed under extreme physical and mental duress?

6. I better put a lot of books on my Kindle before I go…

7. How am I going to write 50 postcards to send to everyone back home?

And even though I have all these thoughts running around in my head and I feel nervous, cautious, crazy and insane for deciding to do this, I know that it will be one of the best, most challenging things I have ever done in my life. It will be worth it.


19 May

Before I left for India, I was fraught with nervousness and a sense of loss; like I was putting my life ‘on hold’ yet again. ‘On hold’ again because it had taken such a long time to get a point where I could live my life without clutching my chest to keep the pieces of my broken heart from falling out. I felt like I was ‘on hold’ again after travelling for two months in Europe where I was seemingly taking a hiatus from life before the responsibilities of a new career and path structured my life and created a sense of normalcy and order. By going to India for three months, I felt that I was yet again putting my life ‘on hold’ by putting off the ability to plan out my life in years, not days or weeks, and ultimately foregoing control not just over where I was, but where I was going.

Now, after ‘putting my life on hold’ yet again, I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to settle down in one place yet. I don’t even want to begin looking for something that could eventually ‘settle me down.’ I think I have found the beginning of my path; to explore, to experience and to discover. I never really had a real purpose in life or something that I desperately wanted to do or accomplish. Some people want to cure cancer or devote their lives to NGOs… I never felt this draw to something outside of myself, or so I thought. I always believed that I needed to get a sensible job and earn money to support myself and an eventual family. I have realized though that as I begin to settle into this lifestyle that I thought was for me, it is not for me at all.

I thought I was idealistic, I was not. I acted realistically and logically in working to secure a good job and a good base for starting my adult life. I realize that I was being practical and fitting into a mold, a mold I am finding I do not fit into.

I did, I do, have a dream and a drive to do something outside myself. I want to write. I want to read. I want to be surrounded by the written word and enhance its proliferation. I never thought that this would be a smart or fulfilling choice for the path my life should follow but I realize that money and security really mean nothing if you are not truly happy and fulfilled. Perhaps I would not realize this if I had not had a taste of true happiness and freedom when I was ironically ‘putting my life on hold’ for those two months in Europe. But I have and so cannot help but dream about finding this happiness and fulfillment again.

I was not putting my life on hold at all by coming to India, I was finally discovering the beginning of my journey through life and self discovery. I was unearthing and learning to accept my wanderlust.

The Beginning

18 May

1. an act or circumstance of entering upon an action or state: the beginning of hostilities.

This is the beginning. Of what, I am not sure, but I know that it is the beginning.

I do know though that it is the beginning of a journey, my journey of wandering to discover who I am and what it could mean to be a young adult in this day and age… What it means to be a young adult and ‘find’ one’s self and your place in this world. Yes I know, this is so broad and overreaching but seeing as how I am in India right now, will be going to Nepal in 2 weeks and have spent the last six months of the past twelve months not in my home country, it stands to reason that most young people growing up in the 21st century, having some capacity to think outside themselves, are not simply residents of their home country, but of the world. This complicates how young people determine where they fit in in this large, large world. Globalization has a multitude of implications for every facet of life and study and this will affect my journey to explore, experience and discover myself, the world around me, and my place in it.

To start this blog, I thought it only appropriate to share my first blogs, the first of which will be updated when I get back to the US, when this blog will become my primary means of documenting this adventure.

Here’s to beginning.