Search for nothing

23 Aug

Who am I?

Who are you?

I am on the road.

I found myself when I stopped looking. I was drinking lukewarm, black coffee. Coffee sloshed over the rim, into the saucer. I made 3 coffee rings, imprinted them onto the cover of my Moleskine journal. I pretended they had gotten there by accident. Three coffee rings feels balanced. I learned the rule of three’s, of odd numbers, in high school art class. Create the appearance of authenticity, of an accident of nature, by creating pairs of odd numbers. I wrote in this journal. I realized that by searching for who I was, by wanting to be whole, to feel whole, I would never find an ending or reach my goal. The goal was my journey into my soul. I continually change, every day. How could I find myself if the “me” today was not the “me” that was yesterday? Would not be the same “me” tomorrow or Sunday? I found that I could not be found if I was already here. I found myself when I chose to stop searching, when I accepted that there was nothing to find that I did not already have, that I did not already know.

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