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My hair

2 Mar

October 10, 2013

My hair.

My hair gets all the compliments.  Just the other day it shrugged off a compliment about its color.  My hair is too long, it’s always blowing around me, allowing the wind to wind its fingers through it to ultimately blind me and find its way into my mouth, necessitating I never wear lip gloss.  My hair somehow always finds its way underneath me or other things, dragging me back to where it wishes to stay.  My hair can never make up its mind and always goes with the flow, but alas, it is attached to my head and cannot go.

Information Overload

31 Oct

Journeying through my twenties, I realize I know absolutely nothing.  Honestly, the more time I spend on this planet, the more I feel like I have so much more to learn and experience.  For example, I recently decided I should invest some money in the stock market (partly for fun and partly because I thought that that is what grown-ups do), and then I realized I don’t know what the hell I am doing.  And like all the things I know little to nothing about, I research pod-casts, books, blogs and news articles to learn more and to make educated decisions and opinions.  But what usually happens is I get bogged down in all this information, and never take action or make an opinion.  I get paralyzed by all of this information.  I decided I wanted to invest in individual stocks back in March of 2013, it’s October 2014 now.

In Tim Ferriss’s The 4 Hour Work Week, Ferriss talks about limiting yourself to one nonfiction and one fiction book at a time and abstaining from reading, watching or listening to the news.  Basically his premise is that there is far too much knowledge for anyone to consume, assimilate, and act upon and we must be picky in what information we decide to consume.  I remember when I came across Ferriss’s idea and thought that it was interesting and valid, but I did not heed it. I want any and all information.  I want to be up-to-date on all of the current events and I want to always be reading articles to improve myself.  In addition, I have a list of about ten online courses I want to take to enhance my skill set, but like almost all Millennials, I have too many choices – in life, information to read, and otherwise.

With apps like Circa and Flipboard, news and information is catered to your interests and condensed for easier consumption.  With features to save articles you find interesting, or are interested in reading later, the information piles up inside your mind and in storage.  I find myself saving more and more articles, recipes and webpages to Pocket, and more often than not, never reading them again.  I am just too plain busy.  And that’s annoying.

So, I have resorted to lists.  Lists of articles to read, lists of webpages to look up, lists of things to do, and lists of books to read.  There is so much information that I want to store in my brain for later use, but what ends up happening is it simply gets shelved away for later reading, which almost never happens.  Instead, I waste time on Buzzfeed, reading through lists that require less brain power to assimilate, never getting around to all the information I have stored away and actually want to read.

P.S. Take a look at my review of The Circle here.  A parable about the perils of a too-connected life, and perhaps a foretelling of a future ensconced in Big Data? Hope you enjoy it!

Anonymity

7 Mar

I could see myself in New York City.
I could see myself anywhere really.
To be honest, I could see myself anywhere
anonymity thrives.

After a piece of you dies
and is replaced by an overwhelming need to grow,
move,
and meet
an endless amount of people,
you need to discover yourself over and over again;
Reinvent yourself over and over until you become an enigma.

–Is this my goal?–

To become a new person so much so I can no longer be figured out? So that I can no longer figure myself out?

I guess that when the part of you dies
The part that you thought had defined
who you had been,
had determined
/stifled/
limited who you had been before,
you become liberated.
Liberated to become the person
you were always meant to be.

Protected: Ice Cream Epiphanies

10 Jul

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Wanderlust

19 May

Before I left for India, I was fraught with nervousness and a sense of loss; like I was putting my life ‘on hold’ yet again. ‘On hold’ again because it had taken such a long time to get a point where I could live my life without clutching my chest to keep the pieces of my broken heart from falling out. I felt like I was ‘on hold’ again after travelling for two months in Europe where I was seemingly taking a hiatus from life before the responsibilities of a new career and path structured my life and created a sense of normalcy and order. By going to India for three months, I felt that I was yet again putting my life ‘on hold’ by putting off the ability to plan out my life in years, not days or weeks, and ultimately foregoing control not just over where I was, but where I was going.

Now, after ‘putting my life on hold’ yet again, I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to settle down in one place yet. I don’t even want to begin looking for something that could eventually ‘settle me down.’ I think I have found the beginning of my path; to explore, to experience and to discover. I never really had a real purpose in life or something that I desperately wanted to do or accomplish. Some people want to cure cancer or devote their lives to NGOs… I never felt this draw to something outside of myself, or so I thought. I always believed that I needed to get a sensible job and earn money to support myself and an eventual family. I have realized though that as I begin to settle into this lifestyle that I thought was for me, it is not for me at all.

I thought I was idealistic, I was not. I acted realistically and logically in working to secure a good job and a good base for starting my adult life. I realize that I was being practical and fitting into a mold, a mold I am finding I do not fit into.

I did, I do, have a dream and a drive to do something outside myself. I want to write. I want to read. I want to be surrounded by the written word and enhance its proliferation. I never thought that this would be a smart or fulfilling choice for the path my life should follow but I realize that money and security really mean nothing if you are not truly happy and fulfilled. Perhaps I would not realize this if I had not had a taste of true happiness and freedom when I was ironically ‘putting my life on hold’ for those two months in Europe. But I have and so cannot help but dream about finding this happiness and fulfillment again.

I was not putting my life on hold at all by coming to India, I was finally discovering the beginning of my journey through life and self discovery. I was unearthing and learning to accept my wanderlust.